Just an Update

April has certainly made its mark on my life, in more ways than one.

  I've been searching for a job that's more in the career field I want. I've been able to find a few places of therapy with supplied training, but haven't heard back. It can get discouraging.

   I've been offered a volunteer position on my church Rock Point's design team, but had to decline due to scheduling conflicts.

  At my job, I've officially been switched departments. I'm now in Men's, which also covers the Gifts and Linens. It's both fun and frustrating learning a new department, but I'm enjoying it well right now.

  My car has decided to end it's streak of being nice and staying away from the mechanic. Luckily the fixes are still, albeit relatively, inexpensive. I'm hoping my car doesn't start an affair with the mechanic. :p

  And lastly and most importantly, I spent Easter in the hospital. It was a semi-voluntary thing, based on a need to change my medication in a safe environment and to keep me from getting overwhelmed in therapy. I was there for five days without a cellphone or internet access. (Needless to say it still wasn't fun, haha).

While in the hospital, I was frustrated to find that I had been rediagnosed as not Borderline, but Bipolar II. Somehow the stigma and shame that had evaded me with the Borderline diagnosis came full force with this new one.

Just the next day People magazine was featuring Catherine Zeta-Jones, an actress I respect, coming out about her battle with the same Bipolar subtype. It was a blessing to know that I'm not alone and even more that I shouldn't have to feel ashamed at having a mental illness. If a beautiful actress like Catherine can own to it, I should too. At the same time, I am so grateful to God for the intricate timing and planning of my life.

  Im not saying that it still isn't hard. I have to take intense medication for the rest of my life. I have to get my blood drawn every thirty days, make sure I never have a large amount of caffeine or chocolate (let alone any alcohol). I have to maintain a stable sleep and eating schedule. It will take much more planning and caution to have  children. I will have to find ways around people's automatic judgements. It's hard to see where it all fits in God's plan for me. It feels unfair, as many hard things often do. But for now I can only thank God for all the amazing support he has put around me in family, friends, and acquaintances. I can only focus on the gratitude for what I do have right now, and that's enough to get me through the rest.